Archive for 'Love'
Open Relationship?
March 11th, 2010 by ilabuzz, under Love, Lust. No Comments
“Monogamy Relationship?” Believe most people will think that this is just Fairy Tales.
Is Open relationship consider a relationship at all? Can it be shared?
How many people will still flirt around after attached (whatever excuses you want to give to make you feel that you never betrayed your partner). What happen if you find out that your partner keep seeing someone very often but you yourself, also fool around? Open relationship? Is it coming to this side of the world? “Ape tuh?” What is that? Hmmm… this is how it happens for some and it works well for some too.
Here it goes… Open relationship also has it’s rules 
Enjoy your reading folks!
After that evening, it was discernibly clear that none of us were eager to bring up the subject again. And by the way, if you’ve ever talked with your partner about opening up your own relationship–or if you’d like to–the following pointers might make for a good excuse to bring it up. Please keep in mind, though, that these are only a few of the open relationship rules that we’ve found to be most sensible in our own relationship. Yours will probably be somewhat different. But no matter what you decide, it’s exceedingly important to remember that without a very serious mutual respect, your non-monogamous relationship is never, ever going to work.
“Everyone [in an open relationship] has at least one rule,” says sex journalist and educator Tristan Taormino, during a recent phone interview. Taormino writes the Village Voice’s “Pucker Up” column, and is also the author of Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships (Cleis Press).
1. Honesty is (usually) the best policy.
This is quite possibly the most important of all our rules. It’s the only rule you really do need to keep in mind at all times, and what it means is this: Don’t lie. Have open, honest conversations with your partner about anything that gives you a feeling of unease. Tell your primary partner the things you are most afraid to tell him. Because if he can’t respect the thoughts that take place in your mind—no matter how odd or socially deviant they may seem—there’s no chance he’ll be able to understand or tolerate your wayward sexual behavior. And that’s to say nothing of the fact that you shouldn’t stay with someone who laughs at your fantasies, sexual or otherwise.
“If your friends who are non-monogamous tell you they don’t have rules,” says Taormino, “they’re full of shit. They maybe haven’t spoken them out loud, but they’re there. That’s the great think about non-monogamy: All this stuff gets discussed, and it’s out in the open. There are no assumptions.”
2. Talk about it before it happens.
This isn’t a rule I would necessarily recommend for every open couple, but it does work well for some. The idea is that if one of us is planning a date, we don’t keep that information secret. We talk about it first, preferably long before it actually happens. The idea is to keep jealousy at bay. And of course, the more personal details you learn about your partner’s one-night-stand, the more you realize how similar that person probably is to everyone else—even you. Then again, sometimes this rule is impractical. Assuming you meet someone in a bar, and then choose to go home with them that same night, it would probably be inadvisable to send your girlfriend the details via text message.
Throughout Taormino’s research for Opening Up, she met numerous couples with unusual rules. But no matter how kinky or unusual your own behavior may seem, the important thing is communication. Taormino, for instance, met many couples who would not allow anyone else in their matrimonial bed. “Which is sort of symbolic and literal,” she said. “It’s their bed, and they’re not going to f**k other people in it. But then other people were like, ‘Whatever. I’ll sleep in the guest room.’”
3. It’s always best when everyone meets each other.
This is probably my favorite rule of all, even though it’s really nothing more than an extension of the previous rule. The general idea is to keep things friendly, and to keep everyone in the loop about who’s doing what with whom, and why. Haha this is definitely not for ASIA yet!
4. Always practice safe sex.
Any man who has ever had a steady girlfriend can name at least one benefit to staying monogamous: condom-free sex. But if you’re planning on sharing the love, it’s your responsibility—and a very important one at that—to insure the sexual health of your primary partner. For men and women both, this means keeping a fresh supply of condoms on hand. And what if you slip up, and “accidentally” slip it in without first slipping it on? Fess up to all other partners immediately—or at least prior to sleeping with each other next.
A few of the open couples Taormino spoke with during her research had “detailed, signed agreements that were very, very specific,” she said. “And yet other people say, ‘Hey, you can do whatever you want.’ But ‘whatever you want always comes with a caveat. And even if there’s only one rule, it’s usually safe sex.”
P/S: I believe in mono relationship and I stay faithful to my partner Till then do as you wish and stay safe always!
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International Women’s Day
March 8th, 2010 by marcell, under Love. No Comments
International Women’s Day (8 March) is an occasion marked by women’s groups around the world. This date is also commemorated at the United Nations and is designated in many countries as a national holiday. When women on all continents, often divided by national boundaries and by ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic and political differences, come together to celebrate their Day, they can look back to a tradition that represents at least nine decades of struggle for equality, justice, peace and development.
To remember today event, I found a lovely poem dedicated to all women. It is written by Jude Toussaint. The poem’s title; Women of color
Women of color are superficial
Women of color are women of wonder
Women of color are those who contains the artificial heart
Women of color are our mothers
Women of color are special
Women of color don’t need to speak of themselves
It is others that speak of them
Women of color have supernatural eyes
I think about them day and night
Laugh at them they’ll laugh as well cause
You’re laughing at yourself
above the mountains their guts can surpass
across the ocean and time their stories stays
if you see one smile then you will see true happiness
P.S: Do appreciate their hard work & love.
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Part 2: Men… Have you sexually satisfied your women?
March 5th, 2010 by ilabuzz, under Love, Lust. No Comments
How to make us women satified? Some of which I dont really like it but for the sake of reading it why not… Maybe one fine day we are prone to try it out!
First timer will always take a deep breath. It is important that you relax before you start getting intimate with your woman in the bedroom because it is important to take your time right. If you rush through foreplay with your woman then she may feel that you are only interested in making sure that you get what you want and that you aren’t too concerned with making sure that she gets what she wants. Take the time to get to know what she likes and dislikes, and take the time to get her really going. By the way, did I told you that we must be in a clothes so these steps will work out well. Do not simply get naked totally
1) Kiss all over. Kissing different parts of your woman’s body is a way of praising every inch of her. If you kiss her stomach it is like you are telling her, “I love this stomach, no matter how you might feel about it.” Giving a woman a boost of confidence when it comes to her body is a great way to ensure that she finds more satisfaction in the bedroom, so kiss her all over.
2) Whisper in her ear, but don’t just talk dirty or whisper sweet nothings, alternate back and forth between the two. If you only talk dirty to her then she might start to feel like a piece of meat laying in the bed, and if you only talk sweet to her then she may not get the chance to feel sexy. If you take the time to whisper sweet things in her ear as well as naughty things, then she will feel both loved and sexy.
3) Feel her body. Kissing her all over is great, but gently rubbing your hands over her body is sure to ignite all of her nerve endings which will heighten her pleasure in the end. You can even take this time to tell her what you love about each part of her body. As you move your hands over her hips you can tell her how you love their curve, and as you rub your hands over her arms you can let her know how much you appreciate the chance to be hugged by them.
4) Ignore your urge to go straight for the hot spots. Going straight for her breasts or for the space between her legs doesn’t allow her the opportunity to sufficiently warm up. If you go for these hot spots too soon you might not get the reaction that you were hoping for because her body hasn’t been warmed up properly so she may feel more of a tickle rather than a sensual touch.
5) Undress her slowly. If you take the time to undress her slowly you are giving her the chance to anticipate what is coming and that will only make her body more sensitive to the touch. Don’t think of undressing her as a task that has to be done all at once, you could take time after removing an article of clothing to pay special attention to the newly nude area of the body.
6) Choose light and gentle over rough and fast. You’re not trying to win a gold medal in how fast you can get it done and how many bruises you can leave along the way. Going fast and playing rough all the time will only leave her feeling like she is simply there for your pleasure. There may be occasions when she prefers rough and fast, but she will let you know when those occasions are, so stick to light and gentle unless she tells you otherwise.
7) Do unto her as you want her to do onto you. If you expect her to go downtown then you better be willing to go downtown on her. Expecting her to do more than you expect from yourself comes off as both lazy and selfish, two things which are sure to kill your sex life quickly.
Avoid spending too much time in one spot. You might get excited when you discover a spot on her body that makes her squirm when you kiss it, but make sure that you don’t get so excited about it that you forget the rest of her body. Lingering too long on one part of her body will leave her bored and might even leave that part of her body numb, rendering it useless for the rest of the session.
P/S: Fear not the KY? Don’t be afraid of using lubricant when it comes to making the transition from foreplay to sex. Having to use lubricant doesn’t mean that you didn’t turn her on, it simply means that you want to ensure that she is comfortable while you are making love. Till then happy trying Have a great weekend folks!
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Women… are you satisfied sexually?
March 4th, 2010 by ilabuzz, under Love, Lust. No Comments
Morning all. How are you today? Hope everything is fine. I want to talk about sexually satisfied.
As a woman, it is very difficult for a man to know whether you are sexually satisfied or have reached your climax. But for man, it can easily be seen and be on top of the game. So man how are you finding out whether your wife and partner is sexually satisfied.
Step 1: Express your needs and sexual desires to your partner, and be specific. Tell your partner what you like and what you don’t like in a nice way that won’t offend him. Must tell and man must ask whether ok or not. Dont just “suka syok sendiri” and the wife not satisfied and even worst feel the pain
Step 2: Listen to your partner’s wants and needs in the bedroom, and consider what she has to say without getting defensive. Listen people… must listen and listen
Step 3: We, women must get rid of the stress. Please don’t think about your laundry or your kids or your parents and anything else but make your self available sensually. Must get rid of the stress and chaos in your life so that you’re more emotionally available and happy. If you’re less stressed, you’ll have more motivation and confidence in the bedroom.
Step 4: Work on the emotional connection that you have with your partner. For women especially, the stronger the emotional connection, the more you’ll enjoy having sex with your partner. Men with no exception must also emotionally connected to your woman and not just physically connected.
Step 5: Engage in self stimulation. Knowing how to satisfy yourself will help you to tell your partner what he needs to do to please you. Hmmm…. I wont encourage this as this is part of masturbation but you may need to ask your partner to do it for you alternatively
Step 6: Change up the old routine. Try different positions, experiment with foreplay, wear sexy lingerie, have sex in different rooms of the house or watch an erotic film together. Getting adventurous in the bedroom will make you and your partner more excited to drop your drawers.
P/S: Yes! No 6. Dont just get naked, wear something first and foreplay with that and those. Till then have a good sexual life with your partners! Love you all Muahhhks
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80/20 Rule – good one and be a Happy Person
March 1st, 2010 by marcell, under Love. No Comments
Last week I received an email from someone and someone is my beloved wife. Something to do with 80/20 rules. Surely you have heard this before. I thought all the while, this quality stuff only related to work stuff or business issue. But interesting, it do applied to the relationship also. So, do enjoy reading it and feel free to comment.
Interesting quote from the movie ‘Why did I get married?’
In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.
But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT
But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.
Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. ‘Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it’s not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I’m crazy about her because she’s also understanding, intelligent, tender – so many things that my spouse is not’
Somewhere along the way, you’ll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did..
Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you’re looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let’s say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: ‘I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . ..’
Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet
type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.
But wait! That’s only 20% of what you don’t have.
Don’t throw away the 80% that you already have!
That’s not all. Add to your spouse’s 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you’ve accumulated as lovers.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don’t have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.
But I’m not just talking about marriage.
I’m talking about life!
About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he’s missing? ‘They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they’ve got personal videos!’
I guarantee you’ll be miserable for the entire trip! Don’t live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class — because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?
The main message???
If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!
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I felt in LOVE with An Addict?
February 24th, 2010 by ilabuzz, under Hug, Love. No Comments
Aged 37, Azaam (not his real name) is currently working as one of the engineers in Oil and Gas Company. Can I blend past and present tense? I am not sure whether he’s FREE now or is it too early to claim that he’s SOBER hmmm….
There was an unfortunate time in his life when he was addicted to drugs and they became his companion as he struggled through a difficult period of his life. He has traveled a long and complex road in search of freedom and a life of abstinence. Here is Azam’s story (mampus aku kena saman).
Adulthood
Being abroad from his parents, brothers and sisters, life seemed quite normal. 8 of them in a family most are either working or studying abroad. However, with much difficulty Azaam admits that at the age of 25, he’s father had passed away. He, the eldest in the family felt so lost and lost thruout and he turned into live with this dark secret that tainted his life forever. From that day forward he chose to dissociate himself from life and his family, to run to a “safe” place within himself, a place where things felt ok.
The Beginning
At the age of 25, Azaam was introduced to marijuana or cannabis or “ganja”. His first encountered with the drug was with a group of friends whom he met up with after work. “To be honest, I felt nothing, but I felt ok with myself. It was the first time that I felt at home with myself,” admits Azaam. Not to mention 2 years after that he got married. Since then he took it daily and as much as he wanted with cigarettes.
By the way, not only him but this was a cousins and friends affairs. For about six months initial stage, he managed to hide it from his family, but eventually they came to know what was happening. Azaam admits that he knew he had a problem, but figured he could overcome it alone and sooner. His family found it difficult to come to terms with his problem esp his mum. Mum used to say, “You were not my son anymore if you keep on taking it.” But mum being a mum… sigh!!!
The Road to Recovery
“I was always able to manipulate people to get the result I wanted,” said Azaam. There came a point when he realized that he wanted to make a change in his life. This time he wanted that change to be for himself, not for his family or anyone else not even for me as what he said.
“I remember my mum and I went for an evaluation, in which the doctor did a urine test for me. I would never forget the way my mum looked at me, and I could not shed a tear,” he added. My blood test also became thicker and thicker compared to normal people’s.
“They say when you do drugs, from the first hit you close a door in your mind, and open a new one. This is entirely true,” said Azaam.
Azaam has to be on the road to recovery. He is at a crossroad now; he can either continue using drugs to the point of death, which was his goal then, or he could clean up, but this time without rehab. First is to ADMIT! Then, the actual self-REHAB!
Azaam said, “The last 7 days have taken me through every emotion, and feeling. The days don’t get any easier, and life doesn’t cut you any breaks. I’ve had to relearn basic skills, such as how to deal with a basic situation. I am with very bad cold, flu and everything else you can name it! I had nose blooding last 2 days but hell not because of IT! And you know that right.”
A Word of Possible Advice
He commented, “Everything happens for a reason in life. It’s all about how you look at it. Remember that whatever you do, you are not the first to have done it and won’t be the last.”
He continued, “I know it’s not easy to stop using drugs, and the craving doesn’t ever go away, but when you are willing to make that change, trust me, the universe will work in your favor, and you will be guided. Now that I look back on what has happened, I realize that all this has brought me to where I am.” Azaam’s greatest support during this time is faith in Almighty Allah.
Choices – If it really happens to him, InsyaAllah
They say for an addict there are only three choices in active addiction: out of job, institutions and death. He shall not be very close to any of them!
It is with much courage that Azaam has faced his problems and is determined to make a positive, lasting change in his life. I pray that Almighty Allah will guide him, grant him ease in his endeavors, everlasting success and keep him firm on the straight path.
Finally, I hope that the story of Azaam will be an example for others who are going through a similar situation. I hope they can be inspired by this story and take the first step towards recovery. But it just a beginning of 7 days. I trusted him that he’s not even near to IT anymore. Shall wait until it reaches 21 days maybe?
P/S: There are a few things that I have learnt: you have to have faith in your higher power, and you have to be honest, and willing to change. You need to develop an emotional dependency on drugs, and you use them no matter what you felt. Drugs have used to help you to get away from reality. You used them because you wanted to, and you didn’t know any other way of being. I just dont want anyone to suffer… anyone in this world ;( Please get to the road of recovery and self freedom!
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Secret of a Happy Married Life (Hilarious)
February 22nd, 2010 by marcell, under Hug, Kiss, Love. No Comments
I received a joke from my friend. I’d like to share with you and it is very hilarious. I don’t know whether you agree with this secret or not.
Once I was asked by my Friend, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”
I said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and Respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”
He asked, “Can you explain?”
I said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”
Still not convinced, Friend asked me “Give me some examples”
I said, “Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it”
He asked, “Then what is your role?”
I said, “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire, etc etc and Do you know one thing, My wife NEVER, EVER objects to any of these decisions
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Cinta Agung – Majestic Love?
February 10th, 2010 by ilabuzz, under Hug, Love. No Comments
My apology that I dont want to get dirty today. Can I?
Taken from my fren’s note in Facebook. Thanks Aina…
Aina started to write and her pen started to mingle around that piece of paper. Then the pen and the paper started to make love
It was a sad news.
The whole family perished in a car accident. The car was wrecked and burnt until nothing of it was left. Including the 6 – husband, wife, and 4 kids aged between 11 and 2. They were on the way home from a vacation.
I try to put myself in their situation. Knowing those moments would be the last that you’ll ever have with the children. Knowing that the next day, you are just history and memories, nothing more than pictures kept in drawers and shoeboxes.
It must be painful, but it may also be a relief knowing that the children will not grow up missing the love of their parents.
I don’t know. I can never imagine.
But reading that news also got me thinking, there must be such thing as love made in heaven. The kind of love that binds a man and a woman, so strong that they would die with each other. Not for, but with.
Cinta agung, a wise friend calls it.
That same friend asked me once if cinta agung would still exist on this earth till she dies.
I told her it still would, only it may never hit neither she nor me.
Which reminds me of a man whose wife succumbed to the cruelty of the big C. She was his first love from the moment he laid eyes on her. She became the pivotal point in his life, everything about him was around her. When they got to know of her illness, it was too late to do anything. But her breath was his life. For the few years that she beared the pain, were the years that he too was hurt silently. When she could no longer get up from her bed, it was him who bathed her, fed her, changed her. He made her beautiful for their small children to remember how the mother looked like when she was alive. Even at the point when she was weak, she was his strength. She was his everything.
The night that she left in her sleep was the night the world fell upon him. The children were still small, his life was gone. He had no strength to move on, not even for himself. When she died, he died too… soul, life and love.
*sigh*
Cinta agung? Maybe it was.
Thanks so much for the sharing Aina. Today our blog is NOT rated XXX… So you can let your kids to read this one
P/S: I have to cry and I am tearing to bed, I guess ;’(
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Are you willing to change?
February 8th, 2010 by marcell, under Love. No Comments
Few weeks back, I attended my friend’s weeding. Then , I saw a girl and she looked very familiar. So, I asked my friend; ” Who is that girl?” After my friend told her name, then I remembered her. Gosh, she really changed a lot. I got the chance to meet and ask her about her new look. She told me that she totally changed due to the study, stress and work environment.
That’s bringing me to today’s topic, “Are you willing to change?” Let us focus in the context of relationship.
Let me ask a series of questions, “Do you willing to change for the sake of your relationship? Your partner request? Or you just want to change just to impress your partner?”
I saw a few people are willing to change themselves whether the physical outlook or their behaviour. Physical outlook I meant basically about your weight, your body curve, your hair style, your skin, your face and etc. Behaviour, for example, do be more gentle, get rid smoking, do be a dumber (this things do happen).
But really people this kinds of stuff to please and impress their loved one. That’s love. Love is blind.
I have few fundamental questions beside this changes. Are you happy with the changes? Do you like the new look? Or you do hate it? Or is it really waste of time or money?.
If it is really worth to do it and you are happy, that’s should be okay. But if it is the other way around, you’ll probably suffer. The solution for me so far is to get consensuses or agreement from each party. Important is Win-Win situation whereby both party are happy.
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Kids N Divorce
January 22nd, 2010 by ilabuzz, under Hug, Kiss, Love. 1 Comment
Being a single parent is not easy. That much I can tell. And it becomes more challenging when you have kids in between. You just have to deal with your Ex till death do us part. That is how tough it is. To hurt your kids in any way is the last thing that you want to do. Thus, last night, I just went thru some readings that I like to share with you all on this portion.
When parents decide to divorce, they typically have been through a series of events that have led them to this decision. Whether or not children are aware of parents’ decisions depends on many things, including parents’ behaviors and children’s experiences. In some families, husbands and wives may argue frequently in front of the children, leaving children to suspect that something is going on. In other families, parents may talk quietly about their differences without the children ever knowing. And in other families, parents may argue sometimes and quietly handle their differences at other times. Regardless of the type of adult arguments and interactions that children experience, when parents decide to divorce, children need to know.
Children’s reactions to parental divorce are related to how parents inform them of their decision. Because of this, it is important for parents to think carefully about how they will tell their children and what they will tell them. When possible, the entire family should meet together so that both parents can answer children’s questions.
What to tell children
Remember that divorce is confusing for children. When you first talk with children, limit your discussion to the most important and most immediate issues; children can become confused if they are given too much information at once. Children need to hear that their basic needs will be met, that someone will still fix breakfast in the morning, help them with their homework, and tuck them into bed at night. Children also need to know that their relationship with BOTH parents will continue, if possible. In the face of so many changes, children also need to hear what will remain the same. Parents can reassure their children through words and actions that their love will continue despite the changes in routine family life.
During these family discussions, it is important for parents to tell children that the divorce is final and avoid giving children false hopes that the parents will reunite. Parents can also use this time to tell children that the divorce is not their fault. Many children believe that the divorce is a result of something that they did. Even younger children who seem to have no understanding of what is going on may need extra reassurance during this time. For instance, when asked why parents divorce, some children may explain that parents are divorcing because the children misbehaved or received bad grades in school. Children need repeated reassurance from parents that they are not responsible for the divorce.
Remember to ask children about their fears and concerns. Give children time to think about the divorce and the changes ahead. Meet again as a family to talk about new questions and to reassure children of your ongoing involvement in their lives.
Take your children’s questions and concerns seriously and LISTEN to what they say. As stated by one child, “this is gonna affect the rest of my life and I don’t know if they just don’t realize that, or don’t care, or what, but I don’t feel like I’m being heard.”
Children need to know that parents recognize the impact of divorce on children’s lives. By listening to children’s thoughts and feelings about the divorce, parents demonstrate their ongoing care and concern.
Realize that feelings of loss and anger are typical. You can’t change your child’s feelings, but it is important to let your child know you understand them. For example, “I know you must be really sad that you can’t see your dad today.”
What I need from my mom and dad:
* I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Even if you don’t live close by, please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions about who I spend time with and what I like and don’t like to do. When you don’t stay involved in my life, I feel like I’m not important and that you don’t really love me.
* Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me and my needs. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and I feel guilty.
* I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other.
* Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don’t have to send messages back and forth. I want you to talk with each other so that the messages are communicated the right way and so that I don’t feel like I am going to mess up.
* When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don’t say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are putting me down and expecting me to take your side.
* Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems.
Kids Understandings
* Recognize that one parent no longer lives at home.
* May express empathy toward others, such as a parent who is feeling sad.
Feelings
* May have difficulty separating from parents.
* May express anger toward parent.
* May lose some of the skills they have developed, like toilet training.
* Toddlers may show some of the behaviors that they outgrew, such as thumbsucking.
* Sleeping and naptime routines may change.
* Older toddlers may have nightmares.
What parents can do…
* Spend more time with children when preparing to separate (e.g., arrive 10 to 15 minutes earlier than usual when you take your child to child care).
* Provide physical and verbal reassurance of your love.
* Show understanding of child’s distress; recognize that, given time and support, old behaviors (thumbsucking) will disappear and newly developed skills (toilet training) will reappear.
* Talk with other important adults and caregivers about how to support your child during this transition time.
The reading is quite long until preschoolers and teens… Maybe I will share about that on my later life having both of them growing up.
To the love of my life: Danish and Arissa. Love you ALWAYS and FOREVER!
